Tsushima rookie latest to accept one-year extension

IZUHARA, Japan (TP) -- After weeks of unsuccessful talks, Tsushima High School today announced they had reached an agreement in principle to the terms of a one-year contract extension for rookie starter Adam Shirley.

Tsushima made the announcement at special press conference. Team officials were present, including manager Ko. Sensei. Visibly pleased at the agreement, the manager remarked, "学校へジェーンさんは行ったりんごさるカーバレーター。" Tsushima Press' interpreter translated this as "To school Jane went, apple monkey carburetor."* The manager then guffawed, slapped a nearby reporter on the back, and began a stirring rendition of the school song.

The agreement comes after four months of negotiations. Asked to respond to rumors that he delayed in order to entertain offers from rivals Iki and Goto, Adam scoffed at the claims in a public statement, going on record as saying "Scoff, scoff."

Among the issues discussed during negotiations were: being allotted more vacation time, having the freedom to award more participation points to the students, and having to deal with fewer mukade. While the team flatly refused to budge on the first two points, they ultimately complied with the final request: a three-person hunting party was organized and successfully slew three of the fourteen-inch-long centipedes, known for their nonlethal but excruciatingly painful stings.

The agreement comes after similar extensions were given to fellow rookies M. Kuriyama and J. Joyce, as well as journeyman reliever O. Murray.

Despite these key re-signings, Tsushima still has four question marks on their roster. One was created by the loss of promising rookie M. Lloyd to free agency. Two-year veterans E. Chin and R. Rice also left, citing exhaustion, and three-year stalwart A. Dilliplane announced his retirement at the end of the most productive year of his career.

Adam got off to a rocky start last year, disappointing many hopefuls in his September debut. In only two hours of work, he struggled with his command, failing to explain where Georgia mascot Uga spends the night before home games, and beaning three students in the process. After this, he fought back, receiving what he calls "invaluable" assistance from coaches R. Iwase and M. Satomi.

"They spent the first few weeks just going over fundamentals with me. I had to accept that I didn't have the slightest clue what I was doing. Once I did that, they let me stop taking grounders."

After those disappointing first seven weeks, he persevered, salvaging what would otherwise have been a dismal season. By the end of third term, he was receiving almost no glazed-eye looks, and his V.C.I.**--which by his third start had ballooned to a laughable 16.77--was down to a much more respectable 4.39.

Many commentators point to his October 27th outing as the turning point of his season. On that day, in four hours of work, he was simply dominant, clearly explaining Halloween in English to 80 students by employing clips from Harry Potter and Nightmare Before Christmas with devastatingly comprehensible results. After successfully explaining the difference between "witch" and "wizard" through the use of pictures of Dumbledore and McGonagall, it was clear he had found his stride. He also gave up only two extra-base hits that day.

In preparation for next year's season opener against archrival Isahaya, Adam says he's been working extensively with catcher S. Kurokawa and bullpen coach D. Murahashi. While all three are mum on what they've been developing, insiders say the southpaw's sophomore season will feature more fun and effective warm-up games, fewer sloppy handouts, and a knuckleball.


*The official translator for Tsushima Press is AltaVista's Babelfish.

**Visible Comprehension Index. This is calculated as the number of cocked-head, glazed-eye faces per class per nine innings.